So Much Better

Things are going really good for me right about now. I'm not confused like I was in my last couple of blogs & I believe that things will stay this way. I had to step out of myself for a moment & realize that I wasn't really acting like myself. I was being sum1 else who jus a few months ago I would've talked about badly 2 my friends. I didn't realize that I stepped out of my character until some things happened that was a huge eye opener. I had to stop & think for a moment time that this is not the real Daryal & I gotta snap out of it quickly before I get into deep. I'm better now but before I was in such an unnoticeable depression that even my favorite things in this world could not cheer me up. I've felt like this before but not this intense. So right now I chose to not dwell on my past experiences & just focus on the future.

Idk wats been goin ont lately but there has been a disease that has been spreadin around called bisexuality (attention: i was gonna play like i made this word up but its actually a word! wow i guess we learn sumthin new evryday). My best friend just admitted to me that she is bisexual. Ok I have no problem with homosexuals, bisexuals, metrosexuals...but its kind of weird how this place where we used to work called ABC is infested with them. & all of this happened after I left (thank goodness) so I wasnt able to hear the drama thats been goin on there 1st hand. I'm wonderin if my friend is lying because she plays around like that & her cousin just recently came out the closet. I mean I'm not gonna treat her any differently that I did before but I believe some things might change inevitably. Things like when she spends the night @ my house she can not sleep in my bed! She did the last time she slept over but I didnt think anything of it @ the time because I looked @ it like this: 2 heterosexual girls sleeping in the same bed, nothing is going to happen cuz I dont swing that way & neither does she. Now she also brought to my attention that she has been having these feelings for girls since she was 10. We both 14 & when she slept over we were 14. Hmmm...many thoughts start running through my head & all of sudden I became OD upset. But I dont wanna think that she tried something while I was sleep so I let it go. She knows that I am a heterosexual I she doesnt play around pretending to hit on me cuz I will get very offended (even if she didnt like girls & she did that...I dont play like that!!) Anyway we are still cool & I still love her & she is always welcomed @ my house but the next time she gotta sleep on the couch...lol

True Confessions

Listen Up People...there is a GOD! u wanna kno how i kno? well i'll tell u/ i was layin down in my room last night with the radio on. i culdn't go 2 sleep 4 nuthin because ova the past few weeks alot has been on my mind. i finally came 2 terms with myself & owned up 2 wat i have done in the past. i neva regret cuz if i do, i'll end up losin my mind. i kno evry1 has the feelin that they wish they culd turn bac the hands of time & do things differently but u cant so ppl (includin me) shuld stop regrettin. anyway i started talkin 2 GOD & i really felt that he culd hear 4 the 1st time in my life. i felt that he was rite next 2 me listenin attentively. it got so emotional in my room that warm tears started tricklin down my face. i was serious. i needed HIM 2 kno that i still feel the same way about myself & that i will always love myself no matter wat. if i dont then no 1 will...u feel me? the decisions i make in this lifetime should only b solely based on wat i think is rite & honestly i dont hafta pleez any1 or get any1's approval but Daryal's. I am me so take me as I am...anyway the next thing that happens blew my mind. the radio began 2 play Tupac's Keep Ur Head Up. i knew that that was GOD sendin me a message tellin me 2 keep my head up. i began 2 wipe my tears & a smile began 2 spread across my face. i knew that evrythin was gonna b alrite. u may not seem like it was no big deal but GOD talks 2 evry1 subliminally. u jus gotta b aware enuff 2 c the signs 4 urself. i kno it wont happen 100% ovanight but i started 2 feel a lil bit betta than wat i did in the beginnin of my conversation w/ the man upstairs. i jus gotta take it 1 day @ a time (ayo i sound like im in rehab or sumthin lol) i jus wanted 2 share that stroy on my blogger cuz i feel it & that was real wat i felt. evry1 makes mistakes but sum only learn from it. i wanna b in the percentage 2 which i learn from it!

I Jus Wonder...

I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place rite now. I'm not gonna get in2 2 much detail about it so i'm jus gonna scrap the surface of the problem. iight so its this thing rite...i have gotten really attached 2 this thing & i have even gave part of myself 2 this thing. so me & this thing are cool rite but its this joint. now this joint makes me feel different than the thing. 2 the point where i am my whole self wen im w/ this joint. idk wat 2 do cuz i wish that the thing had the qualities of the joint. i wanna b attached 2 both but i actually have a conscience & this sumthin has once been attached 2 this joint wen we were attached. followin me? i kno its confusin but i must keep this kinda confidental. its botherin me cuz i wanna b attached 2 this thing but im gettin kinda mixed vibes from it. i mean 1 minute we tight & the next we kinda loose. i dont like that. if im attached than i wuld like 4 us 2 b attached all the time...feel me? jus let me kno wen u get confused...ok i can move on. now this thing actually told me sumthin that crosses my mind all the time but im wonderin if its sum truth 2 it. @ 1st i thought there was sum truth 2 it but now im kinda iffy. its a shame cuz i dont like feelin like this but there is no use in cryin ova spilled milk. i can move on, thas no problem 4 me. i jus wuld like 2 kno if there is still a possibility 4 things 2 work...i wonder...